Exploring Healthy Relationships

I do not know if it is something in the air or perhaps the current alignment of the stars, but lately I have encountered many discussions on the topic of abusive relationships. The one factor common in all of these occurrences is the devastation left in a womyns psyche. 

Our bodies heal and our spirit moves us along -- but our minds retain the pain and fear of repeating the experience. 
For many of us, the treatment coming from another womyn is almost more devastating than the abuse itself.

For myself, the discussions in chat rooms and forums carry the added frustration of knowing you are unable to prevent or put a stop to a friend's pain and suffering.

So, I did some research....

What Is Healthy?
Many of us will compare our relationships in search of an answer to the question, "What is normal?" 
I doubt any of us are trying to achieve "the norm," but are in fact looking to confirm that our relationship and actions are healthy.

It is estimated that between 20-30 percent of the adult population comes from healthy, functional families. 
That means there are some 70-80 percent of us who come from dysfunctional families. 
When I read that figure it certainly gave me cause to reflect. 
I recognize that I am in the 70-80 percent group, so I know that I have some work to do!!

Who Do We Attract?
Have you ever had a friend ask you to introduce them to someone nice? Somehow they cannot find anyone who interests them. The wimmin asking them out are either crazy or unattractive or something else that they could not possibly find attractive in a womyn. 
So you ask your friend what type of womyn do they want to meet?

"I want to meet a womyn who is shapely, energetic, takes care of herself and enjoys doing things instead of staying home all of the time."

So you look at your friend who could stand to lose about 45 lbs, who took 3 months before she would agree to leave the house to meet you for dinner and who thinks that going to the curb to get her mail is an outing -- and you have to wonder -- what would she do with someone who had energy and wanted to get out of the house?
The point? Well, the point is that we need to remember that we attract wimmin like ourselves. So if you want someone who has certain attributes, they had better be compatible to your own -- or you are going to wait a long time to meet her.

Types Of Relationships
Remember how Mum always said she loved all of her children differently? Relationships are that way -- different types of relationships, or on different levels, if you will. 
The most common problems experienced by couples are when each individual is experiencing a different level in the relationship.

Superficial Involvement.
This level of relationship is something we all understand. There is no commitment or risk involved in the relationship and interaction is casual and non-threatening. Think of a co-worker or fellow student who you might feel friendly toward, but if they have a problem, it is not anything that you will lose sleep over.

Companionship. 
Two people associate for the purpose of sharing a common activity. 
The activity is more important than the person joining you.
You want to go swimming so you invite a friend. Your friend is not in the mood for swimming, but suggests another activity. You are comfortable declining the invitation because your goal was to swim, not specifically to spend time with the friend.

Friendship.
This is the reverse side of companionship. The purpose of the association is to spend time enjoying the company of the friend -- the activity is secondary.
You invite your friend to a movie and they decline. Since you wish to spend time with your friend, you change the activity in order to do so.

Romantic Love.
This is where friendship develops into a shared passion, sensual and sexuality. I know it sounds amazing to some of us, but this comes after friendship develops.

Wrap Up.
Of course all of this is just the beginning. There is still much that needs to be reviewed before we move along to diving into the deep waters of relationships and commitment.